Sunday, March 06, 2005

The last time I wrote something here, I was still a student! No longer…I find it hard to believe that I am actually through with these two grueling years of management ‘education’! The finale to all the academic obligations came about a couple of days back and now it’s only the epilogue that remains- as in closing bank accounts, getting due clearance slips, packing and lugging our earthly belongings and the rest. Its definitely a sense of déjà vu, in the sense that I’ve gone through these emotions of having to dismantle a well-established set up…like I had written in the Yearbook of our BITSian batch- “ I am leaving tonight. Had to pack. I’ve waited for this moment for so long and now that it is here, I don’t want it! You claim you want change only when you are dead sure you wont get it! I don’t want to take this poster off, I don’t want to burn old mail, I don’t want these curtains, these cushions, these books, and these hangers anywhere else. If only we could leave places without packing! Just step out, lock the door, chuck the key on the venti and walk away. Nice room- I don’t want to dismantle it. It looks so good in the moonlight!” This was 2002. Ditto in 2005!

Some might be tempted to call this an inertia of rest; but then I guess its more to do with the irritation with a nomadic existence- ever on the run! Its been 8 years now and I’ve been running behind God- knows-what; city after city; institute after institute. At least for the time being I suppose therez a pause in this pattern, though as I told a friend of mine that the goal of my life would be to die as ‘Dr. Vikram Sampath’ and heaven knows where all that would lead me to!

These two years were a roller coaster ride…didn’t realize what hit me and when…and I would be economical with the truth if I said it was all emotion that engulfs me at the time of leaving and not a sense of release! The very fact that there would no more be a mockery of education in the name of the zillion surprise tests, assignments, group works and all the other gibberish, is so very comforting.

But it would be unfair to this place if I said that all that this place helped me to get was a good job---that itz simply a costly placement agency! Ive seen myself grow tremendously in these 2 years--- so much so that I find it difficult to relate to the person who got in here 2 years ago. Battling a lot of constraints—more so on the personal front ---it was quite a struggle for survival. With cruel professors breathing down your neck, with a very craftily designed programme that this institute loves to run with the ultimate goal of getting some ‘free labor’, with all the one-upmanships and competition—if you could add a relationship that strained, drained and ultimately waned; a couple of personal bereavements and the irreplaceable personal losses and a few other things which I don’t feel like mentioning out here—perfect recipe for a mental breakdown!? But this two year stay has also helped me know some real wonderful people- a prof or two, a few friends of my batch and a couple of new discoveries in the junior batch! They would be my ultimate takeaway from this place---not necessarily the fact that I can or cant derive Black scholes equation for Options pricing or the many P’s that marketing boasts of! At the end of it all, it is these few people I would miss and yearn for, not the lake, not the temple, not the ever growing institute building! Log aate gaye, caravan badtha gaya!

Its yet another milestone completed…we all descended to these crowded suburbs of the bustling financial capital of India with two dreams in mind- knowledge and a plum job. I don’t know whether we’ve really got our coffers filled as far as knowledge is concerned, but yeah, the latter, definitely! Oh yeah, some even got lucky on the romantic front, but that some other day!

I dont think i would leave shedding copious tears, like i did all the way back from Pilani to Delhi at the time of departure; wouldnt for once attribute it to the possibility of not liking the place as much as BITS, but perhaps to the fact that ive matured now and grown and as they say 'Grown up men dont cry':-)) At the end of it all, while regrets might remain on what all could have been done better, I certainly am happy that exactly two weeks from now I’d be packing my bags and bidding this place a final adieu!