Wednesday, May 19, 2004

Its been so long since i logged into the cozy environs of the page, the page that takes all the bullshit from me and never speaks a word in retaliation! The last week has been action-packed...i've had a re-play of pilani with all the lugging lock-stock-barrel from the hostel to the newly built flats...living in mumbai has become so much more of a pleasure now! then the short break at Vashi with Kaka, Kaki, Malati and Bami...Malati and me went on our usual conversation mode till 2 in the night..till Kaku made his characteristic somnambulist appearence imploring us to hit the sacks!! Malati and me can go on and on and on--therez hardly any topic we havent covered! The biggest casualty of the week was ofcourse the shocking fall of the central government and a resurgence of a party that had been written off...all the hoopla surrounding the foreign origins however fizzled out with the czarina's surprise decision to opt out of the top post and hand it over to an able ace-economist instead! the lady has the knack to throw up surpsies on others..the proverbial twist in the tale sorts! then made a few worthless visits to the ENT...poor hapless soul told me there was no way he'd be able to help me out on this one and that was very much what i expected out of him or anyone in the field of medicine:-)--barring Kakima ofcourse!

A rather "blotted" week otherwise too--negotiations, parleys, haggling, pleading, threatening, despair, tears and nothingess at the end of it all--damn them all, let them roast in hell fire...all they who speak high and mighty abt "value for values"...forgive them Lord, for they know not what they say or do!
But out of nothing comes up something...its always happened in all my past despondencies.so perhaps this despair was a precursor to walia happening somewhere down the lane??? As i write this just after a two hour nice and memorable 'walk-the-talk' along the sea...with ofcourse the 'blue coloured butter scotch mucky yucky stick' to give us royal company all along the way:-))Hah! what a week its been and what a discovery at the end of it all...! Wise men wud sum this up as the silver lining that dots every dark cloud..but how'd i know..i ain't wise anyways!

Monday, May 10, 2004

Kanka had called today and we spoke for kind of 2 long hrs...the silly woman was contemplating ending her life and all that and it took all my persuasive powers to try and make her give up the idea...if she survives, ive succeeded...rather strange to think that love can drive you to something as crazy as eliminate yourself...i mean, c'mmon, no onez worth your life after all! therez so much more that life can offer or rather you can get life to offer for you than hold it hostage to a person's whims and fancies...strange malady this is! aah! all the cajoling, coaxing, threatening, pleading...hope they bear some fruit..wudnt want her to leave this way...we share this special bond; have shared so much with each other in the past few months that it kind of leaves me with a lump in the throat...but i wonder why all such characters veer around me for advice??? its happened so often in the past and continues to happen all the time! I kind of magnetically attarct is it, with some Agony Uncle tag written all over me...lemme b cruel and selfish and say --hey look, i have a million travails and ordeals of my own..this is seriously too much for me to take in at this point? or just say dispassioantely as many do- im sorry, im busy, catchya later! the prob is i never do this...but then no regrets from my side atleast...mom can keep on talking about this and hold it against me, but then i like to do it..so whats her prob? Haah! end of day..just hoping that sense prevails on the woman...oxymoron, i know...but still :-))

Saturday, May 08, 2004

Don't wanna write abt how bad im feeling right now or what the reason for that is...as it is half the world knows about it..wouldnt want the other half to know too!! they r better off remaining ignorant about it...

Have been too held up over the past few days...just didnt get time to scribble things down...
Wednesday turned out to be a fiasco...KT and me going to Dadar and waiting for the Train that never arrived(!) and all the jostling and scrambling in the local trains...had this distinct urge to run away from this maddening city by end of day...it gets on you at times. things appear nice as long as you are within campus...the minute you step out into the 'wilderness' -reality hits you with a thud!

Thursday went off much better than I had expected it to! The 6 weeks of DOCC efforts paid off with a well wound presentation...guess the AVB female was truly impressed! Things spoken with some degree of conviction and sincerity always invariably strike a chord. Spoke to Kanka that night...somehow feels bad to speak to the woman..and we've shared a lot over the past few months and a certain bond despite the 10 odd years that separate us. Therez so little to give her in terms of consolation because most of what shez gone through is something I have perpetrated on someone else and simultaneously been the victim of..seems strange and disconnected? well, so be it.

Whoooooops! I'd wind up this rather disconnected series with a question...how would it feel to have a younger bro sweeping the famed Indian institutes of management?? Friday May 7th probably had the answer:-))

Tuesday, May 04, 2004

KT landed up today from nowhere...characteristic of him..pops up a surprise each time...and he seldom comes alone..the "toli" he carries with him, usually prevents me from having this small little personal talk always! Anyways! The intelligent me didnt realize i had a torn trouser pocket through which my room keyz made a convenient and easy exit--without my knowledge..so there was absolutely no place i could seat my guests:-) The sweltering heat of Mumbai further accentuated the desire to sit in an Airconditioned movie hall and doze off while the actors rattled their dialogues- most often I lose track--especially of the Hindi ones--the loooong, tiresome plots and subplots with plethora of song and dance sequences peppered in between, juxtaposing themselves in a totally disconnected fashion; what to speak of the same hackneyed theme of guy-meeting-girl and the rest...i know im rambling..went to Shadi ka Laddoo and man! it was quite unlike the usual Hindi claptraps..weak themes no doubt..but reminded me of one of those old Hrishikesh da kinda movies--who can forget 'Golmal' and 'Bawarchi' and the like! Absolutely stupid plots; but worth a laugh... with real life comparisons notwithstanding:-) Had a good laugh after a really really really really long time...damn! i havent yet forgotten the art!

Krishna mandir and Juhu beach were as crowded as ever...the high tide induced by the full moon had crowds swelling..was telling KT--Mumbai epitomizes the phrase 'city bursting at its seams'..there are ppl, vehicles, trucks, beggars, hijras everywhere..its a mad mad rush..totally insensitive city..much unlike my good old Bangalore..which though has surely got into the rat race of modernism--still maintains an ioata of its old glory and regal charms--you atleast get to see greenery there and the traffic is so much more organized and disciplines..wonder how ppl drive in Mumbai!! The Samosa ragda and Nariyal pani werent any good either..kept getting disconnected on and off...as has been happening offlate...lost in thoughts of nothing in particular...a certain wish that everything and everyone around just disappears, or evaporates and you are left all to yourself to embrace the expanse of the Universe around you..you and the Universe..impossible to achieve, yet worth fathoming? Empty talks, crazy jokes ( the so-called hallowed 'sense of humour'), shallow gibberish just dont seem to appeal anymore...it in fact gets on my nerves; forget being a party to it...KT is too shrewd not to observe this disconnection of mine; but perhaps didnt want to probe...was rather too busy SMSing Gitu (!) or whoever it was from the harem--as i'd told the person sometime back, that this issue was just not a matter of concern to me! Hey, am i becoming too snobbish? too old (mentally)?. unable to see/enjoy the trivialities of life?
Duuhhhh...dont know!..dont care...!

Monday, May 03, 2004

Just found this somewhere...made good food for thought though...so just thought of putting it down here..

"They tell me God is the creator of all things. Then why do we have so much desruction around? They tell me he is the protector of all things, then why would human morality be in this advanced state of decay. They tell me that God is the destroyer of all things. How can someone destroy his own creation, unless there is an underlying element of destructiveness in his sub-conscious psyche? And, is not God supposed to be the manifestation of all things perfect?

May be he is not. And, may be devil is just his alter ego - a Jekyl and Hyde. Then God and Devil become two sides of the same coin, each incomplete without the other. God's purpose is to create. The devil's purpose is to destroy what God creates. Is it not important to mantain a balance? Just imagine if there were no carnivores in the forest. The plant-eaters would swell in number and cause havoc. Without the devil, all things that God creates would meet with the same fate.

Devil is just that side of God that most of us turn a blind eye to. We are too scared to even think that there could be someone with as much power whose only objective is to put it to destruction. But, does that mean we should not give him his due? Don't tell me that stuff like epidemics and floods are the work of God. He has infinite compassion and even if he is unhappy with his children he is not going to unleash a barrage of destruction.

The devil has tremendous power and with such great power come great chances of abusing that power. Does he abuse it? No. He uses it only for destruction, and that is his purpose."


Sunday, May 02, 2004

SD's Birthday today...in a way it was a special day for me too..after all we've been the thickest of friends for so many years now..have been mean, have been bad at many occasions (the converse is also true in quite some measure!!)...yet it lights up my heart to see a smile on that face..dunno why? Sent a buoquet, cards, mails, calls, sms-es...and kept feeling bad all day that I couldnt give the person a nice bear hug on this very special day!!!!

Saturday, May 01, 2004

Long tiring day it was..too many classes for the day..had been to Juhu this evening. Visited the Hare Krishna temple there ( with Paati's 13th day ceremonies done today, I had the "official sanction" to visit temples--actually went there to pray for her! could get rid of the fortnight-old, tiresome beard too! )..the kind of mass hysteria that is compulsively sought to be created there somewhat doesnot appeal to me...found a rather quiet (relatively) corner near the tulsi plant outside..felt nice sitting there with eyes closed for a while with all the din appearing to come from a rather long distance...quite amusing, there are usually more people outisde the temple than inside--a motley crowd outside around the snack bar jostling with one another to have their share of the samosas and batata wadas and sachharine Bengali sweets ( how come Bongs aren't sweet people despite feeding themselves so copiously on sweets--aah! my prejudices once again!! Eveyonez not that way, come on!)....actually felt happy for Paati..she'd be much better off up there..free from all the tortures of her earthly dependencies...and 110 was a damn good score..! Dont even want to make a half of that score myself! Was lost in all these thoughts--didnt even realize i walked down the road, crossed Prithvi and was there to behold the Arabian sea in its mighty expanse...the beach; on a near full moonlit night..was raging in all its fury...didnt take my loooong customary walk--right from Citizen crossing Marriot, Sun n Sand and the quieter forlorn areas of the beach--felt too tired actually...Hey! feels nice to be clean shaven!