Its been a year now since magic unfurled in a very strange and in the most unexpected way. Didnt have the vaguest of clues as to what i was getting into or what awaited me. But then as much flattering as it was, it was equally scary and definitely not very comforting. Have perhaps never been so lost in the sea of confusion as then...i didnt know what i was talking and whether i meant all that i said. well, the introspection continues--was i unfair or was it the other way round. No straight answers possible for that one. Now it all seems like one nice little dream (nightmare at times!)--all those hours of talking, the giggles, the pleadings, the tears, the confusion, the 'analyzing the constraints'...well, i definitely had constraints--those that few or none knew of and there was no way of putting it across, till perhaps the very end. The worldz a huge place and wonder where we are lost now...do not have the guts to dial the 7 digits on the cell...may be i messed up and that too big time. But then, this was more pressure than i could possibly handle..it was new to me...i felt like too much of an adolescent school boy...and to top it, none to give sage counsel. The few i thought would help me out, let me down in the worst possible way...but isnt that what 'friends' are supposed to do :-)
At the end of the day, there was perhaps a sense of release...tearful no doubt, but nonetheless a gumption to get back to the inanities of life..its a different thing that catastrophe awaited me in less than a week after that! somehow in the past few days a lot of skeletons from the cupboard have been falling down memory lane...dunno why? else imagine me giving others a lecture on fidelity and how 'it just happens'..ME?? haha! I'm definitely and surely missing someone here, the pillow, the blue background, the white circumambulation, the sandwich at the airport, the article, freshers party, the sms-es, the chats, the constraints, the horos, hours of talking by the rain, missed flights, postponed flights, the vada at vrindy, tagore's collection(it might have been consigned to the flames by now!), the hug, the walk by the beach, the loss of conviction, the recurrent fone calls, KT's intervention, the night blast from the friend and the END! ohh it seems like a roller coaster! somewhere deep down, therez regret on lost opportunities, on what i threw away or had no other option but to...wherever the person is, all thatz wished is tonne loads of happiness and total amnesia abt a fickle minded, pompous, nincompoopish, silly brat of a bum who ultimatelly withered under pressure! God bless!